Hey Ryan,

I love seeing the pictures and you have alot of good-looking tattoos. I enjoyed seeing them. Take care.

ahhh I see.
and no no no labour im only 3 months along.
this one's not being very nice though. =[

and haha alright ill keep that in mind.

haha yeah i remember too.
I cant believe how big she has gotten.
Now i got another one on the way.
god I feel like a giant balloon.

I cant believe i heard from you though!! haha
I seen your last enrty was in april
so i left a comment but just assumed
I wouldnt get no damn reply

needless to say I was shocked when i saw your name.
A good shock though =]

My goodness buddy!
Do i miss talking to you!
haha its sad that you've
stopped writing here but
im leaving a comment so that if you
decide to check your diary again
sometime like i did
you'll have time to say hi
to an old friend =]

"lol ill be updating soon, everythings just been a bit of a crazy time just now lol ill maybe make a point of sitting down tonight and letting you and whoever else read me know what ive been doing *basically nothing lol*"

I'll hold you to that.lol I can't believe that living in Scotland is all that boring.lol I look forward to your next entry.

Take care.

Ryan,

I'm doing okay. My mom's still in the nursing home so I worry about her.

You haven't updated in awhile. I miss readinng about you.

Take care.

are those boys gay

if so ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

"Meanwhile i got a digital camera that doubles as a web cam and camcorder it cost roughly $80. (£40)

Mostly however i use my phone to record stuff. Most modern cell phones will be able to do it, and its lovley small and handy! lol"

I don't have a cell phone or a webcam. I have a digital camera that also records movies. Unforunately, I lost the instruction part in the move from the condo to the old folks home. The stills work fine but I don't have the slightest clue to how getting the movie part to work.

So I guess I'm stuck to getting a camcorder. lol

p.s.

This is only a suggestion but I would love to hear you talk right to the camera. I never heard a Scottish accent before.

"that "gay is a choice" video pissed me off. "

Yeah, me too. Those people are idiots ad etremely ignorant.

I enjoyed seeing those videos of you. Especially the ones without a shirt on. lol

hey, what kind of a camera do you have? Camcorder? Web cam or something else? If you don't mind me asking what did you pay for it?

I want a camcorder so bad but it's got to be a cheap one.lol

Sounds like a MAJOR hassle trying to move out of a flat in Scotland!!  Over here, you just tell your manager your moving and move!  Your manager worries about renting out your apt. to the next person.  I guess in your case, each room is rented seperately and rented out that way, too, huh?  That's kinda weird - anyway, hope it all works for you (I'm sure it will) -

Jan :)

Well, I must say, everything sounds quite jolly molly at this point and time - very good - I'm glad your moving on and have met someone new and are doing things and about to move soon - I was just wondering - what do you do for a living?  I know your not that old, so how can you afford a trip to Greece?  I do forget, tho, that you already live in Europe - England, right?  It just sounds so exotic and all, considering I live in California - anyway, I was just wonderin - Good luck on your flat hunting!

Jan

Hi Ryan,

I just saw your latest video. I'm listed under "hungterry". I like them a lot.

I so agree with you. I payed for all of my piercings and it truly is worth the money to get it done professionaly.

"sounds like fun. last characature i had done was when i was about 13 lol

id be well hawt if i got one now lol"

If you get a chance you should get a caricature. I would love to see one of you.

Also, I had to look up the word "hawt" on the internet because I had never heard of it before. I learned something new today.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hawt

Balls

.......

That is all I care to say.

*hugs*

"where be you? WHERE>!¬?!"

I was without internet for a few days because of a f***ing electrical storm. Lightening struck the building and my internet went out just like that. Grrr But it's fixed and I'm back again.

*cheers* for moving on =]

Yeah, your movin on - finally! - lol - Of course there will always be a certain spot in your heart for Darren, but life's too short to moon over one person alone, who isn't worrying about you - so go for it with the other guy, as I know you are going to, and fall in love all over again - maybe this time for good, who knows?  Good luck!

Jan

p.s.

I just subscribed to all of your videos.

I absolutely LOVE it!!!
the lyrics and ur voice
simply amazing =]
i could see this as
my new favorite song!! lol
well ttyl

.::Chelsea::.

intersting, why all want to do something great, but sumtimes we feel like we can't since we messed up so much we can't. We can't admitt when we hurt, or wrong...becuz we feel like we have to be strong.

xoxo-chelse

[craziiashell]

three stars out of five..

very good..

warped..

but wakes us up to reality..

really good..

thats really interesting.

i like it though.

i feel... like i've been there for some reason if that made sense

i do think they're sexy.. they're so.. manly.. but gentle inside..

anyway, gotta shower..

be back..

you are the first guy i've seen have a diary on here!

high five mann

youre awesome

"i never quite caught where the surveys came from but wooo anyway!"

It's in my July 2nd entry. The survey is still there. There's still time to fill it out. But you've got to hurry. My free 14 day subscription runs out on July 16th. But you still have time to fill it out. It's 30 questions. But it's in my July 2nd entry but you've to hurry because my subscription is soon to run out.

i guess u didnt

did cha now

Hey - your back - good - haven't heard much from you lately - sounds like your doing REALLY really good - see?  Time heals all wounds - IF you do run into him, just say W'sup?  like it's no big deal, exchange a few casual words and then say you gotta go - nice seeing you - and that'll be that! Your vacation sounds like fun - wish I could go, 2 - man, I NEED a vacation - Take care!

Jan

"meanwhile scotland is part of britain, england is where the parliament is based so technically most of our laws etc come from england, but there is also a scottish parliament. we *DID* have our own kings and queens but there has been a lot of conflict over the last century about things like that so theres one queen of england. england doesnt RULE over us so much as is the place where everything is based."

I kind of thought Scotland was part of Britain but I wasn't sure. I suppose that with Wales it's kind of the same thing. I learned something new today.

By the way those pictures above. you look like you're really enjoying myself. I love seeing pictures of yourself.

Take care, ryan,

LOVE THE HAIR!!! :)
the pics from edinburgh look like fun!
and have fun at the theme park!!

OMG,

I LOVE your hair. I always enjoy seeing pics of you amd your hair. Whatever color it is you look so adoreable.

"youve been seeing the guys for twenty years. do you feel like youve made any progress with him?"

I used to feel like I did. But not anymore. After 18 years of seeing him I feel like I'm too old to change therapists. By the way, he's gay and gay therapists aren't that easy to find.

By the way, I have a question. You live in Scotland. Are you actually part of and runned by England or do you have your own king or queen of Scotland? And your own army?  Forgive me for being so ignorant but I've always wondered about that.

YESSSSSS!!!!

YOU'RE ALIVE!!!

YOU'RE AAAALLLLLIIIIIVVVVEEEE!!!!

Ok, sweet dreams lol

*hugs*

Ryan,

You're a blonde now? The last I heard you were a redhead. In fact, you put a picture of your red hair in my thingy and you looked adorable. So when are we going to see a picture of you with blonde hair (hint hint).

As for changing therapists it's not easy. I'm 52 and I've seen him for 18 years. You're 19, right? To put it into perspective I started to see him when you were just a year old.

Take care and I missed you.

We have't heard from you in a while, Ryan, and that's crappy - I always look for your entries and there haven't been any lately - try to cheer up - isn't tomorrow Gay Pride Day?  Isn't there some kind of a parade or something going on in your town?  If so, you should go and check it out - there might be someone there looking for the same thing as you are - you never know - I know it's hard to give up Darren, but if he's given you up, what can you do?  Who needs it?  There's plenty of fish in the sea, but you gotta get out there- of course, like I always say, if you go looking for someone, you'll never score, but if you can possibly forget about finding someone for a while, the right someone for you will come along when you least expect it - sooooo - cheer up, start writing again so we know your alive and okay, and try 2 think about something else for now.

Jan

I really love that entry... it's fantabulous.. I can really relate to it

It makes me wish I wasn't so gimped at writting

"meanwhile theres nothing wrong with the blonde. it looks fine :P"

You know, when I first got it I hated it. But now it's 3 days later and it's kind of growing on me. If the old people don't like my new hair color then I definitely like it. Hehehe. It was an impulsive mood but now I kind of like it. I'll probably be addicted to having my hair colored and have every shade under the rainbow.LOL But now I'm kind of glad I did it. As long as I feel good about it then that's all that matters.

Take care.

i would never had re-added him.

cafe sounded great!

kfc=gross

<3xx

"you fear far too much. get out there and enjoy yourself. have you got your damn red hair yet boy??? ive got black hair now :)."

Actually, I'm going to get it done this Friday, I'm kinda nervous about it, tho. I don't know whether to get it colored red or blonde. I'm leaning towards blonde. I just want something really different. That'll give these old people in this old folks home something to talk about. ButWednesday is the day. And, of course, I'll post it in my entry.

And I do worry too much about everything.

Take care.

Btw, when are we going to see some more pictures of you and your gorceous black hair?

Where are you, Rynando?  We haven't heard anything from you in a while and I'm worried about you - afterall, what would MDD be without you on it?  Hope everything is okay! :)

J

seeming how everyone else is ill yell with you, WHAT A DICK-FACE a**h***!!! THAT DUMB-f*** BASTARD!!!

You dont deserve that!!!!!!!!!!! but if it helps, Im here for you anytime

*lots of love*

-Chelsea

I AM YELLING 2!  WHAT A JERK! WHAT AN A-SHOLE!  WHAT A TOTAL WANKER!  I HATE HIM AND YOU SHOULD 2!  I'M SO SORRY!  HE MAKES ME SO TOTALLY PISSED!  4 GET HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J

thanks for cheering me up, hun :)  and yes, i will picture you and your raunchy dance, hehe.

i like this song too.  very much.

xx

yeah, saying that fast...HELL NO! haha I  can't even say it normally

Boy- aint life grand?

I mean... going to hell in a hand basket... sounds good to me.. last time I was there... wasnt so pleasant, haha.

Keep it real kid!

Look- Ryan... we have something in common...

We both like sleeping with men!!!

Aw, Ryan...Im so sad for you...

I hope that things work out for you.

sometimes the people we love don't realize how much they mean to us until its too late. and that sucks. but its a part of life.

take care Ryan!

Hi Ryan,

you look gorgeous with your new red hair. I assume that you did it yourself. It looks very professional. Very, very nicel.

I got to get my ass in gear and dye my hair. Hang in there with me. I went to our local supermarket the other day and they didn't have any hair dye. I'll have to go to our local Walogreens. That's a place where you can find a little bit of this and that. I'll have to wait for a few days since I don't have transportation.

But I will get it done. You have my word on it. In a week or 2. I want it done really, really bad.

Again, your hair looks very nice. You should be proud of the way it turns out.

Take care and many *Hugs* to you from across the Atlantic Ocean.

now, now, now - let's  not have an attitude - if that's the way he wants to be, oh well - what're ya gonna do?  You must make a new "friend" - you are talking about Darren, right?  SIGH!  Life can be difficult . . . .

J

The way I look at it....there's over 20 billion guys in the world...8 million are "HOT".... too many to worry over one who doesn't have the intelligence to know LOVE....

Love to you!

i know it feels proper bad at the moment BUT things do get easier.it's only when you look back you realize how easy it is just to walk away.

i hope it works out for you. lee x

Hi Ryan,

"why dont you get yourself a bottle of red dye? they sell it in most stores and all you do is mix the two bottles, put it on your head and wait half an hour, easy as hell!"

I've always been afraid to do it myself. I've heard horror stories about it coming out an awful color. However, I'm going to do it. You talked me into it. It's A LOT cheaper than going to a salon to get it done. It might even be kind of fun. Thanks again!

Take care,

You know, although two months feels like an eternity to you, in reality, it really isn't.  Time heals all wounds and this too shall pass, you'll see - your just going through a bad time right now because you miss him, but trust me, you'll meet someone new before you know it, and then you'll say, "Darren who?"  Just wait and see . . . .

J

"knackered, its a brittish word meaning tired as hell"

Thanks, Ryan. I learned something new today,

Hi Ryan,

"lol loving the new bod :P meanwhile have you ever thought of asking to talk with a manager if one of the monkeys in head sets gets pissy with you? Id be on their ass so quick they'd think they'd just been f***ed by superman! "

I'm glad you like my new Bod. I can dream, can't I? LOL

Yeah. I hate rude tech people. They're not all like that but there's a few who are prissy.

In the meanwhile, what is ""knackerd"?

Take care, Ryan.

Hey Kiddo...

Wow he wrote back, thats great! at least you know that he is alive at least!

When does he come back? you should have a little countdown thingy!

Luckygurl

Oh... well I dont post bulletins unless I make changes to my page...lol

I didnt really understand that but you can add me to your msn messenger

Lkyshnegrl08@hotmail.com

Yah so I noticed that you ended our myspace friendship... whatta friend you are, j/k

Do you have msn messenger?

See this is why I am soo afraid to get into a relationship!! I CAN'T get hurt anymore...

but I guess I was wrong, I thought gay men would be easier to handle,

Sorry chuckie, let me know how things turn out!

Nellie*

you do not sound weird or pathetic.  youre human and humans are emotional creatures.  miss him!!!!!  get it all out.  ewww, vent on my taco...  :)

xx

I don't think your an idiot. Its normal for one to feel this way. I think its cute. Of course, besides the fact the email pulled at my heartstrings, I think you should go find someone to be happy with. ^o^.

Loves and Hugs dear
Xx.a.dead.love.song.xX

i dont :D  haha

men can be aaarrrggghhh.

Good luck hun!

hugs

heyy!! watch it man.
and i HIGHLY doubt that you've NEVER been with a girl before.
i garuntee that you have::atleast ONCE.
your reaall cute though.

<3ryan.

lol, awsome. U look cute in that pic btw.  You should post more pics

"you know you can rely on me to agree lol old people piss me off"

This is what I think. Old people should move to another state or another country and leave me the f*** alone. LOL

And I love your new piercing.

You're a goodlooking lad.

oh ryan, you always look so cutie patootie. yes you are.  yes you arrrre!!! 

ilu xxx

Oh, your such a cute boy, Ryanando!  You look really cute in your glasses and you have cute hair, etc.  The piercing?  I guess that's pretty cool, 2.

J

noo wayy. thats f***in HOOOTT! awesome mann.
i know my names RYAN.. but i'm a girrrl.
just so you know.

<3ryan.

Awesome piercing.

I like your glasses too.

thats an awsome piercing, I wanna be a body piercer when I graduate

[sadistical101]

i'm rolling my eyes with you.  you're very observant, ry.  no i'm joking.  very though it might sound corny, it's very blunt and honest.  nice chord choices.  i love eminor. 

xxxxxx

ps i'll draw on you!

Thats Just Negative Bull.

Well there is a special place for people like you.

You want to much.

To bad to Sad.

Be happy anyway.

-PURESHEILD

Good thing you threw him out - he does sound like a weirdo and who needs that?

J

dont tell darren.  what a weirdo...  yeah, good idea, stay away from boys.  boys....

xx

Hi Ryan,

"well im only 20 and i make a point of not going to reunions, its a depressing "this is the past and now im the future" type situation. Those people are in my past. i have a future."

I never miss mine. Altho as the years go on and more and more classmates have passed away now THAT'S depressing.

I just had a thought. The next time that you're drunk make a short video using your video phone and put it into your entry. That would be sooooo cool. I want to see what you look like when you're drunk.

 You take care of yourself and I love your drunken ramblings.

Muchas hugs back to you.

why do you put up with his torment?  oh how we've all been down this road... makes me wonder if theyve ever been in our positions...?  you're not being silly.  you're human.  and we're more emotional than animals.  if that makes sense,  i'd elaborate but i'm too tired.  i was drunk too hehehe.  so i understand,weeeeeeee

ps youre not an idiot.  i am.

xxx

I'm sorry you are so down right now. I hope things get better soon.
~Love Mystic

its only natural for you to be feeling like this, hell i know for sure i've been melodramatic about my love things, and possibly everything else, but aside from all that you grow and learn and it all just makes life interesting.  stay human, ry.  it is you, no one else is in your body.

xxx

saxamaphooooooooooonnnnnne.

i had to say that :)

x